One of the most valuable teachings the practice of yoga has offered me over the years is the desire to be and stay in integrity. I respect people who are true to their word, reliable, and walk their talk.
As a perfectionist Virgo it is extremely challenging for me to not beat myself up when I make mistakes.
Recently in a relationship that is important to me I stepped out of integrity, I made a mistake and I didn’t act in a way that I would want to be treated.
In the first couple of days of recognizing and admitting that I had faltered I felt a deep sense of shame. I dropped the ball on something that could have been cleared up with a simple communication and quick action, and yet it all made so much sense. I became overly self-absorbed in my ‘stuff’ and forgot to recognize how my inaction was impacting another.
At the end of the day my friend is aware that I did not act in a malicious way and that I allowed fear and contraction to get the best of me.
What I do feel proud of is my ability to fully own it, and to genuinely say sorry even as a I face the challenge of tolerating the consequences of fully being myself. Particularly when it isn’t in purest of light. But alas, I am human, doing the best I can.
All I can hope for is that with time there will be a healing and learning on my part.
As one of my teacher’s Dinabhandu says a Yogi/Yogini strives to not make the same mistake twice.
What an opportunity to continually honor the process of growth and the truth that sometimes the human experience becomes messy, involves the bitter feelings, that are also a part of this magnificent journey.